Listen.

Believe.

Recognize their strengths and point them out.

Offer your unconditional support.

Tell your friend the abuse is not her/his fault.

Identify the unhealthy choices or abuse in their relationship and reflect what you are seeing.

Express concern.

Encourage them to create a safety plan for themselves.

Offer resources – hotlines, websites and trusted adults.

Keep everything confidential.

Tell a trusted adult if you feel the person is in danger.

Get support for yourself.

Blame them for the abuse.

Tell them to just break up with their partner.

Pressure them to do something they are not ready to do.

Criticize their partner – they might not feel comfortable coming back to you if they chose not to end the relationship.

Spread gossip.

Ask him/her a question and listen to their response.

Talk to them if you feel safe doing so – reflect the choices they are making that you think are unhealthy or abusive.

Confront the language they are using – for example, calling their partner names or talking down about them.

Help them clarify their feelings – point out that jealousy is not a sign of love.

Be consistent.

Encourage them to be honest and to take responsibility for their actions and emotions.

Condone the abuse by laughing or encouraging the abuser to keep treating their partner that way.

Remain silent.

Tell jokes or use language that puts others, particularly women, down.

Use violence to stop violence. Even if you think this might be a solution, it’s NOT. Threatening to harm or harming the abuser only puts the victim in more danger – chances are, he/she is going to take it out on their partner if you chose to use violence against them.

Get stuck in the middle – try not to act as a mediator for the couple.

You may see your friend changing as a result of an abusive relationship. If your friend is changing in ways that worry you, tell your friend you’re concerned and call our hotline number (800.537.6066) to talk about more ways you can support your friend and yourself.